59: The Year I Stopped Waiting

Lately, I’ve been asking myself some pretty big questions.

Why are we here? What purpose do we serve as human beings? How are we supposed to relate to one another?

For some reason, my 59th birthday hit me hard.

I keep thinking, 60 is a mature adult. There’s no more “someday.” No more waiting until the timing is perfect, until life settles down, until everything falls into place.

It feels like do-or-die time.

And I am choosing do.

I used to think we were supposed to figure out our one great purpose in life. But slowly, I’m realizing that maybe purpose doesn’t work that way.

We all know how this story eventually ends. Life is finite. But our purpose continues to change and evolve until that day comes. Sometimes our purpose is huge, and sometimes it’s simply the purpose we find in today.

Today, I get to make myself happy.

Today, I get to make choices that align with my morals and my beliefs.

Today, I get to decide how I want to spend this precious little piece of my life.

And the possibilities are limitless.

Saturday night taught me that.

We are in Florida right now, and I miss my friends more than I can possibly explain. I miss the people who know me. I miss the laughter and the comfort that comes from years of friendship.

So I did something that scared me.

I put myself out there.

At 59, I figured, What do I have to lose?

I walked into a tavern to meet four women I had never met before.

And you know what happened?

I met four of the nicest, most down-to-earth women. We clicked. Nobody judged me. There were hugs. There was laughter. And by the time I left, I felt like the beginning of some honest friendships had formed.

At one point I remember thinking, Wow. This is what happens when you believe in yourself enough to walk through the door.

Maybe that's another lesson of 59.

Walk through the damn door.

People will sometimes put you in situations where you aren't sure how to respond. For most of my life, I spent too much time worrying about whether I was handling things the “right” way or what other people might think of my choices.

But 59 has taught me something.

I actually do know how to handle things.

I stay true to myself. I make the choice I can live with. And if somebody doesn't like my actions?

Keep it moving.

It has taken me so many years to simply be who I am—and to allow other people to be who they are.

I can't control what someone else says.

I can't control what someone else does.

I can't control whether someone understands me, approves of me, likes me or agrees with me.

I can only control my actions and my reactions.

There is so much freedom in finally understanding that.

59 feels different.

59 has given me strength.

59 has given me a new belief in myself.

59 has reminded me to stop holding onto things that don't deserve space in my life.

And 59 is teaching me that life isn't about accumulating things.

When my life is over, I don't think I'm going to be crying because I never owned Burberry.

I hope I'm reminiscing about the moments.

The ridiculous laughter.

The trips.

The people I loved.

My children.

My family.

My old friends.

The new friends I was brave enough to meet.

The ordinary days that somehow became extraordinary memories.

That's the stuff that makes up a life.

So take the chance.

Go on the trip.

Walk into the tavern even when you're nervous.

Laugh your ass off with your old friends—and make some new ones.

Love your people.

Love your kids even harder.

Say what you mean. Be who you are. Let other people be who they are.

And stop waiting for some grand purpose to reveal itself before you start living.

Because maybe you don't always need to find a purpose.

At this point in life, you are the purpose.

I think when I turn 60, I'm going to be just fine.

Maybe that's what 59 is here to teach me.

Life is finite.

There is no more waiting until...

Today is the day.

And I am choosing do.

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